You'll Be Safe Here..

Obituary

2006-02-09T05:07:00.000+08:00

SHARIQ ANSAR
DIED 5th Feb 445am

Shariq was a good man...
I always knew him as a guy not to under estimate..
He was always the cheerfull chirpy one among the crowd, with his unique jokes and impressions.
Never did he fail to cheer up ones' day...

A jackass he was, doing stupid stunts for the sake of joy.
He always knew how to get up on his feet despite the painful falls.
With many friends, he was too quite well known.

Then he joined the workforce, and his tight schedule constraint him from his joys and laughters.
Even so, he always gave time to spend with his friends, most of which are from the underground scene.

I remember he used to brag about having girlfriends is stupid and his famous phrase, "fuck love".

But that all changed when he found love where he werked.
He met Marsiah.
He dated Marsiah.
He fell in love with Marsiah.
He got enlisted into NS.
He drifted away from Marsiah.

and it ended there...

First love is always the true love they say.

Shariq was a whole new person. He completely changed.
and it was for good. in a way.

He did so much for Marsiah, that he said he wont take a step back.

but the pain of waiting, after 2 yrs ++, he finally did let go.
to move on.

and sure he did move on. because he finally opened up.
He met Arzia.
He dated Arzia.
He fell in love with Arzia
He drifted away from Arzia.
He lost Arzia.

but despite all the pain he went through, his peseverance always won.
he never did give up. He tried his best to win Arzia's heart back.

He wrote a letter.. a very special letter..
written with his tears..
and casted with his feelings...

and he could do then was wait.
the time was up Arzia had given her reply.

those words were like needles, poking you in the heart.
and the last word was a knife which stabbed him deep.

He had always given in 110% in everything he did.
but for all that, he was pointing the gun the wrong way, it was pointed rite at him..
without him knowing it.. he shot himself...at 445am on 5th Feb after his last words of conversation with Arzia.

He died a broken man...

To fall for someone and to fall in love with someone is 2 totally different things...
Shariq fell in love with angels... all his life
He didn't fall for someone..

R.I.P

This blog is officially dead...

we could have been...

2006-01-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

2006-01-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

death to peace

2005-12-29T01:23:00.000+08:00

Waiting for someone hurts... i experienced that first hand...

but waiting for someone special.. who's right infront of you.. hurts more..

i have fell out of my stand...

i stared death in the eye... i am not afraid to face it again...

only this time... it's different...i care too much for her...and she was there for me..

Sugar Coated Oreo, Arzia...

This will be my last post...

a chapter of my life ends here...

a new chapter starts... from where i was... a nobody.. heartbroken and in pieces... a broken man...

maybe...just maybe.. ill make a return to blogging...

but for now... im thru...

Goodbye...

Moments of 2005...

2005-12-27T14:27:00.000+08:00

The years' coming to an end... so i did what my friends are doing...
Top 20 Moments of 2005...

1)most surprising moment:
my last day at camp... got a good beating... and i thought it was over.. when the guys suddenly jumped out of the room and gave me "ORD OH Cake"..

2)most embarrassing moment:
when i was taking a piss and laughing at the same time cos i threw Faiz a diaper full of crap at the toilet of woodlands MRT and my balls cramped up... ARGH! hurt like fuck... Faiz and Ewick were laughing like hell at me and i had to run funny for my last train... CEEPAIIII!!

3)most irritating moment:
When i had to teach this guy on how to fix a telephone line...dumbfuck

4)most lovely moment:
19 June 2005... My first date with Arzia... It rained at 2am and we were wet... she was shivering... and I gave her my jacket and hugged her to keep her warm... lovely..

5)most adorable moment:
2 May 2005... My Nephew's, Arshaq, birthday... that 2 yr old small fry was happy as hell.. cute little boy... awwwwwww .....

6)most saddening moment:
21st Nov... they day Arzia called to say she got attached to some guy... I had many sad moments... but this particular one was the sadddddest... to see that history repeated itself... losing someone you cant replace...sigh..

7)most happiest moment:
The day i went out with the Friends/Enemies Crew... the bands No Direction, Hamartia and Dyna Turmoil...
went camwhoring... took random pics with random ppl we dont know... laughed our asses off..
the happiest day... the whole day was spent laughing and smiling...!
YOU GUYS RULE MAN!

8)most humbling moment:
hmm... when i was having dinner at lau pa sat and this lady approached me... she thanked me for being an inspiration to her and her daughter... they read my blog...
If YOU'RE reading this.. thanks loads for the Ikan Bakar you treated me! YUMMY!

9)most grateful moment:
the day Faiz treated the Friends/Enemies Crew to dinner at this leisure club..
it was grateful to see my friends.. all sticking together... having dinner... under the same roof despite differences...
grateful to have the crew to cheer me up..

10)most guilty moment:
when i screwed one of men during a parade rehearsal at camp...
he was an NSF...and so was I ... but the way he marched... my nephew can crawl march better!
i was appointed acting CSM (Contigent Sergeant Major)..

11)most depressing moment:
25th Oct... Arzia's birthday... and I didn't get to meet her... last time i met her was at this chalet on 25th August... till now I haven't seen her...

12)most fun moment:
With the Friends/Enemies Crew... we were out at town doing Jackass stunts... ahah

13)most gigglish moment:
together with Faiz... we were talking about me being a stand up comedian... WATTTATOYEEIIIAHHH!!

14)most boring moment:
the day i was home... and online.. with nothing at all to do... the freakin time passed by like snail..

15)most stressful moment:
the day I was thinking to let go of Marsiah... after 878 days of waiting... i finally did let go...

16)most relieving moment:
when i didn't go home for 2 days... and when i got home.. my parents were asking "where were u?!"
and i replied.. "i was home!... in my room.. either asleep or on the pc!.. you called my mobilephone when i was asleep and i was home.. so why should i answer a call from home..when im home?!"

my parents were like... "ouhh ok.. go eat"
WOAH!...

17)most disappointing moment:
a fren borrowed some cash from me... and he ignored my calls despite numerous calls... so much for friendship..

18)most ditzy/dumb moment:
during one of my jamming sessions with my band... i was holding on to my mic... and there i was looking FOR A MIC...
"eh sial ah.. where the mic?!"

19)most mischievious moment:
i sneaked out of my house...and i had to sneak pass my brother who was at the void deck fixing his bike... and then i had to sneak pass my dad who was at the shop i bought some titbits...and not only that.. i had to sneak pass my officer who was at town too... HAHAHA!

20)most memorable moment:
The day i gave Arzia the letter and the necklace....
It was exactly like in the movies...
we listening to my mp3 player it was playing The Perishers - Nothing Like You and I..
then we kissed.. it played All American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret...
JUST LIKE IN A MOVIE!!

i loved you all along...

2005-12-26T05:27:00.000+08:00

Nickelback - Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Hold on to me and
never let me go

Holding on, like it's all I have pt 2

2005-12-23T15:21:00.000+08:00

Holding On

This yearning in my heart
This confusion in my mind
The words left unspoken
Haunts me all the time

Everyday I watch time pass by
With an emptiness in my life
And a hole in my heart
Where only You belong

There are nights I wake up crying
And wishing You were here
To hold You in my arms
And kiss away those tears

There is something that keeps me holding on
You, this feeling for You, that grows stronger by everyday
but one day things will go my way
I'll have You in my arms

With a promise of everything
I Love You...
Arzia..

Bloody Wreckage Remains

2005-12-20T17:09:00.000+08:00

THE WRECKAGE
Uploaded pics of my bands' performances...
check em out at http://wreckage.myphotoalbum.com/

despised icon

2005-12-14T04:08:00.000+08:00

i think its time for a major update...
have soooo much to write about...especially on my KL trip with No Direction...

but for now...
im still in the healing process....

ill update soon.. promise!

and ouh yea...
im doing fine... :)

All I Need..

2005-11-30T19:28:00.000+08:00

OreO...

Loneliness is a devil, it haunts me,
Creeping into my dark room.
I lie there, as a captive, and I wish to be free,
But there is no escape, I lie there, waiting for doom.

What is my destiny, I know not,
For my life has become still like a spellbound ocean,
A commotion trapped inside me, ready to trot
Expecting my savior with all devotion

So I sit there, in my dark room, waiting,
Thinking about the long gone days
And waiting for you to come
And put out the blaze

My heart bleeds because I'm all alone
No gold, no money can fulfil my need
But in this bright new dawn
Just some love and a smile, is all I need

All I need now is you...

-- Shariq
30 Nov 2005
0237hrs

Heinous!!!

2005-11-27T21:36:00.000+08:00

The Wreckage at Heinous Defenestration gig...
will update on it once ive recovered from my fractured arm..
yea.. i fractured my arm..

check us out @ www.myspace.com/bloodywreckage

me at tan tock seng hospital with my nephew

i tried to be perfect -The End-

2005-11-22T15:43:00.000+08:00

this is the end...
a chapter started with You...
a story ended without You...

dead feelings

2005-11-21T19:44:00.000+08:00

Arzia called... it was a short conversation...and my world fell like a big pile of wtf shit.. sigh
im trying hard to hold back the tears..trying to cover up myself..

i just hope she made a wise decision choosing him..

im back to history... :(

me and OreO
the special bond...the special feeling is gone...

Falling Tears...

2005-11-18T01:04:00.000+08:00

In the deep of winter
I sit alone on the ridge
Looking beyond the valley of my life.
The coldness left in my heart
matches the grey day I face
and soft mounds of snow begin to surround me....
It's only my falling tears.

Distance pulled me back in time...

I missed Her...missing still...
Maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me..but it hit me bad... so bad im numb...again..

part of letter i wrote to the special someone who pulled me out of misery...
My special someone.. My Arzia.. :

"...Inside of me there is a place where my sweetest dreams reside, where my highest hopes are kept alive, where my deepest feelings are felt and where my favorite memories are safe and warm. I find that you're on my mind more often than any other thought. Sometimes I bring you there purposely just to make my day brighter. But more often, you surprise me and find your own ways into my thoughts. There are even times when I awaken, I realize that you've been a part of my dreams. Then during the day, when my imagination is free to run, it takes me into your arms and allows me to linger there knowing there's nothing I'd rather do. I know my thoughts are only reflecting the loving hopes of my heart because whenever they wander, they always take me to you.

Only the most special things in my world get to come inside my heart and stay. She brought me threshold and pain. And now, I realize how deeply my life has been touched by you. I'm opening myself up to you."

good news in a way... that She helped me get over Marsiah...
and to learn to love again...

i was ready to take us higher... cos we so much made it perfect..

i hurt myself instead... to see those pics of him
and to see that im not in Arzia's thoughts...

I will try to fix you...

2005-11-13T17:25:00.000+08:00

Things have been quite busy.. and the upcoming week is my last week to the start of my holiday when i start clearing my leave till ORD in January.
Alot of handing over to do..and so little time...
but im getting along well with my understudy.

So yea.. last week was Eid..Hari Raya.. and like every Raya.. relatives come to visit..
and like every Raya.. its cornflake cookies and orange soda...
hate it when my mom start comparing me to others.. wtf?!

but well.. hidden talents are hidden.. those who find it..find a treasure hidden..

i've been sitting home almost every single day... doin some reading on photography and stuff...

So lets get to today..
Faiz, Dila, Mon and Dila came... yeap.. 2 Dilas' haha
dressing up in the same traditional baju kurung..as couples.. :)
The smiles..the laughters..the happiness in their faces..
and there i am..faking a smile..

Whats there to smile when really..uve got nothing to smile for..
There was a point of time..when i could smile all day..
the point of time when i knew that Marsiah is always there..
but that was gone..when she left..

2 yrs of depression and pure shittyness...after this shitty period.. thats where i met Arzia..
She was the one who offered me her hand and pulled me out of this misery..
again.. i learnt to smile..
i never knew how dead i was until i met Her...

but when i fell back..history repeated itself...
i felt pain as before..
the pain of love..
i realised.. i fell for Arzia..

sadly.. it couldn't be...

"Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"

Would you fix me?

to hell with raya

2005-11-03T00:42:00.000+08:00

3rd Hari Raya...Eid..
feeling alone... with thoughts of Marsiah still lingering in my head...

sigh..

3rd fucked up raya... fuck raya...
3 yrs in a row...

Faiz Birthday

2005-11-01T01:14:00.000+08:00

13 Oct was Faiz birthday.. here are some pics from Ikay

Birthday Boy.. haha

The Clan

Birthday Boy again.. injured

Boredphucks

Boredphucks again..

history

2005-10-24T00:37:00.000+08:00

Taken exactly 2 years ago...I'm history to Marsiahnow..history is repeating itself..

Special Person

2005-10-23T03:04:00.000+08:00

extracted from Wany's Blog

"I would also like to extend many thanks to Riq who was there for me even though it's 3 am in the morning when I rang him. Though we are not close, you are a special person in my heart. You told me,

" Don't let the darkness of the past blinds the brightness of the future"

I find this truly compelling and probably, I'll stick to it. "

Thank You for being there for me too..
despite all my vulgarities..You were really patient with me..
Thank You.. You too will indeed be in my heart...

-Shariq

ARGH!!!

2005-10-20T18:29:00.000+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGHHHHHHH FUCK DAMMIT

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

sigh..

You'll Be Safe Here

2005-10-19T20:55:00.000+08:00

sigh...
i've seen what i wouldn't have wanted to see...i thought it was all going well..
why must history repeat itself? and bring me down to where i was...
i was so much on the right track back to livelihood...

now.. im back to square one.. the old depressed emobastard... thoughts linger.. :,(

Rivermaya - You'll Be Safe Here

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

Love...

2005-10-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

"It is as near to you as your life, but you can never wholly know it."

thats Love..

2 freakin Years

2005-10-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

18th November 2005 is my last day in SCDF till i clear my offs and leave to ORD!!

its been 2 freaking years++ since my enlistment date when Marsiah sent me off...

sigh.. ouh fuck it.. who gives a fuck anyway..

she doesnt.. not anymore..

blast from the past...its like a deja vu.. sigh

2005-10-01T23:45:00.000+08:00

"you got to go back to where you came from..where you started... to know where you're going to"
-- Dr. Phillip Chee (my psychiatrist)

life just sucks....when everyday is the same shit..
but the best part about the past few months is to know to wake up every morning knowing that there's this special someone, Arzia, who's always have been there for me...

but 1 month... we've distant..
and yea.. it brought me back to square one..
when answers u hoped for never came to hear...

it just saddens me to know that i've given in so much into everything i do.. NS, Family, Friends, Band and.. Arzia.. and to all come to frozen path which in time, drills you in..deep...deep

jamming sessions were not as bad as before.. now me being the vocals of The Wreckage.. we're pretty much well on good smoothflow..

with invitations to play outside singapore and to tour with awesome bands like No Direction, Hamartia and Dyna Turmoil... we're pretty much making it..

BUT...
ive fallen again...
i dont want me.. to affect the progress of the band..
ive progressed myself... after 2 years of depression... i was brought up back on my feet..
life is never how you want it to be... we live it.. and we die i guess

i give in 110% in everything i do... but it never seems to go to my hopes...
hope... where's my hope?

in your eyes... im just another guy who's enjoying life.. but in reality.. wad's life? when it never does come to ur hopes...

after wad ive gone thru... after wad ppl have said... after wad we've done...
it all succumbs to this..
that im always on the losing side...

always...

i thought a change would make me a better man...
it did.. a better man... who's losing everything that he has ever hoped for..

once a past..forgotten
a present builds..
hopes for future.. predicts in time when there's two in heart..

a broken man i was...
a broken heart i pieced...

a shattered man i am now..... AGAIN...

-Shariq
1Oct 05... clock ticking...and counting down... sigh...

a friend indeed..

2005-09-18T02:01:00.000+08:00

"...then there's shariq. my online friend. the only one who understands my situation because he's been through what i am going through now. we really opened up to each other. watta nice, tall and skinny friend of mine. i'll never forget such good people in my life."

-- Taken from Ikin's blog

Ikin... a dear friend.. known her for quite some time... never really got to really know her..

until we opened up..

well..we do have something in common..

never met her before... but looking forward to it..

Ikin... a friend in need is a friend indeed... :)

you can always look me up!

so lets come to what i did today..... did some camwhoring!

haha not really...

helping a friend with his project.. a album CD Cover...

took some cool shots for him... will be finalising the cover soon...

uploading it soon...

I Miss Arzia's company.. though she's gone MIA ...

she's busy with work and stuff...but we still do keep in touch... even if its only a few SMSes

Did Marsiah appreciate my presence like Ikin and Arzia are doin?

it's good to know i have friends more worthy... :)

that i won't forget....

where it began..

2005-09-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

opened up one of my drawers... it was locked cos i lost the key...
found the key in the kitchen cabinet...

yea.. so i opened up the drawer.. there were some papers in it..
sigh... order pads, daily stock counts and others.. all from Pizza Hut..

and i found this small piece of paper... with Marsiah's email written on it..
haiz.. i remember She gave me Her email.. She wrote it on that piece of paper..

reminiscence.....

3 Doors Down - Here By Me

I hope you're doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you...

And everything I had in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can't take another day without you
'Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long, just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love...

And everything I had in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you're not here

Sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I had in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I had in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

note to self

2005-09-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

was real busy with work...sorry for e delayed update

so anyways..i went out with me bandmates last friday... yea...
Faiz, Mon and Jasman..

me being me... was late.. supposed to meet at 615pm at Jurong MRT.. i came at 7..whahah!

here's e highlight.. we were heading to West Coast to some recreation club for a feast!
Faiz treated us!

The Wharf is e name of e restaurant...
cool open concept restaurant right beside a wharf..
excellent service..though the foreign waiter was alil kanchiong..

ok... Nasi Goreng Istimewa... Otah2... Satay... Choc Milkshake... Frenchfries...to name a few....
here's e messed up part...
fucken Faiz(sorry bro :P) forced me to eat alot..

i ate too much! (though i noe i need to eat alot)
to top it all.. me and Mon had Corona for desert! (WTH?!)

was too fucken full that Mon and me puked in e toilet...man it was chaos..pure bestial genocidal goatvomit..hahah! (bet the cleaner's cursing us)

fuck.. puked outta my nose...it hurt to bad..ARGH!

played a few arcade games... den headed back home...

it was a fun day...
laughter with puke and all in it..hahah!

note to self: AVOID FAIZ WHEN ON A FEAST HUNT!

2005-09-06T20:57:00.000+08:00

why?

2005-09-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

i was taking a walk down HDB Hub..... then chilled at Toa Payoh Garden...
it brought back recollections of Marsiah... the spot where i brought her to study...
sigh...
this song brings back so much fond memories.. it hurts though...

Switchfoot - You

There's always something
in the way
There's always something
getting through
but it's not me
it's You, it's You

sometimes ignorance
rings true
but hope is not in
what i know
it's not in me..me
it's in You, it's in You

it's all i know
it's all i know
it's all i know

i find peace when
i'm confused
i find hope when
i'm let down
not in me ... me
in You
it's in you

i hope to lose myself
for good
i hope to find it in the end
not in me ... me
in You
in You
in You

it's all i know
it's all i know
it's all i know

in You
in You
its in You
its in You

there's always something in the way
there's always something getting through
but it's not me
it's You
it's You
it's You ....

She still means to me..even if she has moved on...

bad photocopy?

2005-08-31T10:06:00.000+08:00

http://dr-gutstein.blogspot.com/

a bad bad photocopy of my blog...

ripoffs

2005-08-29T21:50:00.000+08:00

its really really pissing me off that some fuck out there is like totally copying the whole concept of my blog..

look dude.. though i noe u personally... u gotta fucking get ur own freakin originality!..
wtf is with u revamping ur fucken blog after mine?! and it turned out to be the same fucken concept as my new revamped one too?!..

and ur fucken entries.. i noticed are like soo soo soo much like mine...

hey dude... i have my limits...
but uve reached my limits...

go get ur fucken originality kiddo..

The Wreckage "LIVE"

2005-08-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

The Wreckage "LIVE"
27 August 2005 @ Wireless Session'05, ITE Bedok
good gig...
sorry for the poor pic quality.. my camera-woman is a bad bad bad photographer..

i wasnt ready!

2005-08-26T02:00:00.000+08:00

me and OreO
i really wasnt ready for a snapshot

Somebody's gonna get hurt real bad...somebody

2005-08-25T15:53:00.000+08:00

well... yesterdays chalet at downtown east was ok.. not that it was boring... but still.. it was a good one
though i din noe anyone there.. i managed to actually join in e fun..hahah!

poor OreO is disappointed by the turnout though..
oh well.. i only came as a guest cos she invited me..
*guest?! i was doing the bbq-ing!!*

ouh yea.. i was talking OreO's fren, laurie...*i think she's one cool chillout dudette* and guess wad?
she noes Siva..
yep yep.. that butch from Amethyst...
small world...
Laurie: i agree.... a butch will always be a butch!

made a new frennn. whahah HARESH..
he's another cool dude... whahah! OreO commented we were talking like we knew each other for years!...
HAH! must be the Indian blood!... "HEY VE'RE INDIAN AND VE'RE GEY!!"

there were some politics going though among the ladies... *psst ladies..*
and since OreO was having a migraine.. we left around 130am... but instead of goin home.. we took a scroll down Pasir Ris Park...
yep yep...

damn... we should've cam-whored!

ok wont go on with further details...

anyways.. will be jamming with me mates at 7pm later...
hopefully we'll be ready for this coming saturday's gig..
*though we're ready*

ok im hungry...

-end

QUIZ!!

2005-08-22T21:22:00.000+08:00

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

enjoy.. hahah!

time flies..

2005-08-20T13:40:00.000+08:00

woah... how time flies...
ive got 3 months left to ORD..

and with so little time left.. ive gotta plan ahead what im gonna do after i ORD.
well of course id go for further studies..

im eyeing on Diploma in Design Communication...
since im like so into media design and photography shitez... oh wait.. i meant ART..
haha

requested brochures from Lasalle and NAFA too..
hehehe!

so anyways...
life's been a fairly good cope hazard for me...
yea.. with so much stuff to handover.. im practically in ORD mood..
but still... the show must go on!

it's been a week since i last met Sugary Sugar Coated OreO...
man it feels like months... and i miss herrrr *good news??*
her schedule is real tight... day is night and night is day for her...haha!

"Love is known best by the blind, for it is meant to be known by the heart, not by the eyes

sometimes the past comes to haunt me...

awwww

2005-08-18T00:46:00.000+08:00

i miss sugary sugar coated oreo many many............ :(

i shot the sheriff...

2005-08-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

Shariq
I shot the ~~sheriff~~..............

*pssst* visuals section up :P

visuals

2005-08-15T00:44:00.000+08:00

I FINALLY BOUGHT A NEW DIGICAM!
3.1MP with Interpolated resolution of up to 10MP!

WOAHHHHHHHH!

i did a try-out camwhoring thing with me mates.. Ady and Nofie..
its freakin cooooooool!

aite aite... its late... and im sleepy..
will update soon...

ouh yea... i changed my tagboard to a better one.. *i think*
and i put up a new section in my blog... visuals
thats where ill put up all my pics of art... hehehehkz..

till then.. toodles!

Indecisive

2005-08-14T15:20:00.000+08:00

had a stuck up night yesterday...
so im a very indecisive fuxk..and i cant plan shitez...
aite im boring...
dont wanna talk about it...

so anyways...
this is my new revamp shitty blog...

Rearranged my playlist too..

so yea...
this is it..

im moodless today... if ure in my MSN list.. dont' bother msging me...

-end-

Its Hard...

2005-08-12T14:52:00.000+08:00

"A Small Change Makes a Big Difference."

did some minor changes to the blog...
will be updating it real soon...

:)

Hear You Me

2005-08-07T01:21:00.000+08:00

i wish i was special....
so fucking special...
but im a creep...

Hear You Me

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance..

What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance..

May angels lead you in..
Hear you me my friends..
On sleepless roads the sleepless go..
May angels lead you in..

And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time..
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live..

Updates

2005-08-05T18:51:00.000+08:00

Damn i miss my hardcore days...
been listening thru all my CDs and tapes... damn it feels good to listen to myself again!..hwhahahhahaa..

Been MIA from e scene for quite sometime... its time to a return!

So anyways...
Work = Hectic .. Home = Boring .. Myself = GRRRREEEATTT!

Once im done with NDP... Im FREE! YEEEEAAHHH....
finally.... but the shitty thing is.. im on duty on Wednesday.. argh fucks...

ouh yea... will be working on a new layout... on e new address pretty soon...
and i GODDAMNED NEED A NEW DIGICAM!!!
ok im done here....

See ya in e Morgue...
(man i miss saying that!)

Nothing Like You And I

2005-08-01T20:00:00.000+08:00

We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
You held my hand so
very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of

There's nothing like you and I

We spent some time
together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
about days of joy
As our hearts started
beating faster
I recalled your laughter
from long ago

There's nothing like you and I

We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of

There's nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There's nothing like you and I

Believe me..

2005-07-29T22:41:00.000+08:00

"If some things are better left unsaid,
then maybe they too are better left undone"

Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realise
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all

Believe me 'cause now's the time to try
Don't wait, the chance will pass you by
Time's up to figure it out
You can't say it's too late

It's hard to take a step back, when I've taken so many steps forward...

Arzia:
Don't let the darkness of the past cover the brightness of the future..
I hope You didn't mean the SMS...
And I'm not gonna give up on You...

Thanks..

2005-07-23T00:22:00.000+08:00

Arzia

Thank you for being there for me when i was down... thank you for all you've done to make me smile again...thanks a million for being a good listener..
thank you for entertaining me when im bored...

thanks a whole lot for being a special friend...and to look up to me..

i never got to say this...
but Thanks for everything...

-Shariq

--- NDP'05 ---

a bigggggg grin HAHA!

2005-07-18T18:42:00.000+08:00

Away

2005-07-09T22:32:00.000+08:00

Due to the lack of time and my depleading interest in keeping this blog updated...
im taking a short break from this.. and try to piece myself together...

But i'll be back soon...
with a smile i hope..

meanwhile.. you can enjoy the background songs..

-Shariq

Blurred

2005-07-02T01:59:00.000+08:00

She didn't turn up....
She didn't turn up.... She didn't turn up to appreciate my emotions put into words..into a tune...into a song...
She didn't turn up for my bands' showcase performance....

sigh.. When it came to my last number... i looked around...only to see She wasn't there...

it meant sooooo much to me for Her to be there...

She didn't even BOTHER to reply...busy? riiiiiiiiiiite....
*sob*

I missed You for so long

2005-07-01T00:08:00.000+08:00

I no longer pray for tomorrow
I've started to pray for today
cause I still can't feel nothing but sorrow
And I do all I can to make that go away

Well it's all over now
We're through somehow
Too bad I couldn't solve your riddle in time
It's all over now

I no longer long for the summer
And I no longer care 'bout the snow
A just know I can't take this much longer
I wonder how low one can go

I've Missed You for so long... Marsiah...

a million broken pieces...

2005-06-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

There are moments when I feel that nothing is real but fake, nothing true but pain..

thats exactly what im feeling.. right now...
what am i worth?

a million broken pieces...thats what i am..

"Sometimes i feel like i could start crying and not stop for a day and night, and maybe tt wld be enuf. And maybe it wouldnt. Sometimes, i feel like i have a ragged hole inside me, and it gets bigger every day. And once upon a time, there was a girl who just disappeared."
--The Dogs Of Babel

sigh...

673 days..

Trouble Sleeping

2005-06-26T23:58:00.000+08:00

again... i havent been getting enough sleep...
depressed AGAIN... shitty
sigh..

its almost a week now...

haiz.. She's happy with him..
they "celebrated" their 6th month together on e 25th..
:(

It's You
Why's it always You
and never me?
I've never dared to let
my feelings free
Why's it always You
and never me?
I've never cared
too much about honesty

I'm having trouble sleeping
I'm thinking of what You said
About the tears been shed
Leave me?

im gonna have trouble sleeping tonight again..

672 days... 672 days.. already

It's Okay...*edited

2005-06-20T17:02:00.000+08:00

Went out with Arzia yesterday... supposed to catch A Lot Like Love... but nooooo SOMEONE was late... 4hrs late :P

So in that 4hrs... I met Ady, coincedently around where I was..
Tagged along to Youth Park to see some Dance Comp..
I only tagged along cos I had to give in.. I did not turn up for his birthday party on saturday..

haha... met Nofie too... but she had to leave early...Had some good quality catching up with her outside Takashimaya...
and yea.. I saw Marsiah with a friend...but I didn't had the guts to say hi to Her
sigh... She looks like an Angel... always has been...

Arzia arrived at 5.45.. had a meal at BK Cineleisure...
took a train to Raffles Place... walked to Merlion...
we sorta had a heart to heart talk... and it did bring tears to my eyes..
it really does hurt to give in so much into something... but to come to an end just like that..
If things just doesn't go your way.. just look up to the skies and say "Hey, Its ok"
but deep inside.. you know you're not ok... :(

We made a move from Merlion when e weather started to turn in..
lucky we were under shelter when it started to rain..haha
though we did get a lil wet running in e rain for shelter..

spastic

man..it was reaaaal cold when e wind blew at us...

took a cab back....reached home at 445am..

Guess looking at each other is like looking into a mirror... we see ourselves...
get what i mean?

So much that...

2005-06-15T17:06:00.000+08:00

Sigh...
Hear that song playing now? Angela Ammons - Always Getting Over You

:( .. We were at this study corner near my place... and You were studying for the upcoming test..
We shared earphones listening to this song...

You liked the song that You played it on repeat mode on my MP3 player...

that I bought You the CD...BUT i left the CD at home...
You waited for me at the bus stop..and i ran home just to get the CD...

You smiled... and it so lighted up my day...

I miss You... Marsiah..
I miss You sooo soo much it hurts...
so much that everyday is a meaningless day...
that life's an empty chapter..

I miss the times You slept on my shoulder...
I miss the time where You held me so tight cos You felt cold in the train..

I miss EVERYTHING about You...

here.. i wait for You.. 660 Days after Love came to me...

Your once "Hunny Bunny",
Shariq
*sob*

19

2005-06-11T10:13:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY AMY!

Not all wounds heal..

2005-06-07T13:41:00.000+08:00

been quite some time since i last REALLY posted sumthing...

the truth is... nuthin much has changed... oh wait.. NOTHING has changed..
its still the same old shit hole im in..

well... been real busy with work.. shitloads of work..duties..and craps.. argh! being a sergeant sucks especially when ure the section commander commanding dumbfucks!

im basically running the show.. ARGH!!

so yea.. after like a month of "Hard Labour", i finally got my off.. today!
nvm... 6 months to ORD..

enough bout work....

ok.. now for the real shitty life ive been goin thru the past 652 days...
like i said..nuthin has changed...

ppl have been asking.. "are you gonna wait for Her forever?"
my reply...

YES...

Doesnt it hurt to think of Her?
my reply..

YES... sigh.. every thought of Marsiah brings serenity to me.. but at e end.. She always falls back into another arms...

its like.. pincers pinching my heart... ripping its skin...
ouch... :(

dun ask me why... cos some questions hold more than one answer...
sometimes...u just cant make it on your own..

and oh yea... Special thanks to Nora and K?n for their creativity of artwork... hehekz.. its nice...

here's one from k?n

is anyone free this sunday? i wanna watch Madagascar! tell u wad.. its my treat!..
i soooo need to find company.... sigh

-end-

SCDF - The Life Saving Force

2005-06-05T21:51:00.000+08:00

boredom struck me....hehehekz

2005-06-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

A little something for me... from a very good fren of mine.. Nora... damn she's good at digital media.. THANKS!

Charmed Hearts

2005-05-30T22:13:00.000+08:00

Something special for the girl who means the world to me... Her Charmed Hearts...

*clockwise: Marsiah, Dee, Amy

the fight for victory...

2005-05-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

milo peng satu..

Round 1...ready.. FIGHT!

eeeeeeyaaaakkkk KONTOL KICK!

heeeeeyeuuuuekkk!

FINISH HIM!

The battle continues as GodGillaz evade the city!

there is no escape!

FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Dance of joy....in the shadows..

the crew...

the other crew

my jacketttttt....

haha!

Updated my Photo Album...
You can check it out HERE
Its cool...haha! HAD FUN THOUGH!

enjoy...

PS: ive realised...smiles don't last...

2005-05-24T17:10:00.000+08:00

Words...

:(

2005-05-23T06:03:00.000+08:00

*looks at clock*

its 6 am...
i cant sleep...

been thinking of Her...

it hurts so much...just to miss Her..

pls...put me to sleep.. :'(

Take me away...

2005-05-22T14:08:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to Marsiah

Lifehouse - Take Me Away

This time what I want is you.
There is no one else who can take your place.
This time you burn me with your eyes,
You see past all the lies,
You take it all away.

I've seen it all,
And it's never enough.
It keeps leaving me needing you.

Take me away.
Take me away.
I've got nothin' left to say,
Just take me away.

I try to make my way to you,
But still I feel so lost.
I don't know what else I can do,

'Cause I've seen it all,
And it's was never enough.
It keeps leaving me needing you.

Take me away.
Take me away.
I've got nothin' left to say,
Just take me away.

Don't give up on me yet,
Don't forget who I am.
I know I'm not there yet,
But don't let
Me stay here alone.

I've seen it all and it's never enough.
It keeps leaving me needing you.
I've seen enough and it's never enough.
It keeps leaving me needing you.

Take me away.
Take me away.
I've got nothin' left to say,
Just take me away.
Take me away...
Take me away...

Sigh... :'(
-

2005-05-14T22:23:00.000+08:00

fucking tired....
depressed....

and my black "eyebags" have formed....

sigh...

emo

2005-05-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

sigh...

im back to emoing phase....

why does it hurt soooo much to miss Marsiah...

*looks at the calender* .... its been 625 days...
ive bled for fucken 625 days...

Marsiah...

Pics

2005-05-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

2005-05-09T00:51:00.000+08:00

had a long day today...

it was a double celebration in fact...
throwed a party!... my nephew, Arshaq's BURPDAY!..that smallfry is 2!..whahha

and of course... mother's day..

special thanks to the PH guys who came down... Nofie..Huda...Ady..Aizat..Rafi..Fad..

i noe many might be asking...
yea.. i DID invite Marsiah as well...but She couldn't make it...

ah hecks...
im tired....will post up pics later in the day...

toodles!

2005-05-08T14:03:00.000+08:00

the pain of waiting 622 days for Marsiah is nothing compared to the pain of birth miracle our mothers went through...

Happy Mothers Day, Mom...

Peter Pan - Di Belakangku

2005-05-06T18:19:00.000+08:00

Kau peluk aku
Sebelum membunuhku
Tersenyum melihatku
Merenung melihatmu

Kau menungguku
Menunggu ku terjatuh
Setiap langkah tertuju
Setia dalam renungku

Aku menunggumu
Menunggumu
Menunggumu
Mati didepanku
Didepanku
Didepanku

Kaupeluk aku
Sebelum
Membunuhku
Tersenyum melihatku
Merenung melihatmu

Apa yg kau lakukan
Di belakangku
Mengapa tak kau tunjukkan
Di hadapanku
Apa yg kau lakukan
Di belakangku
Di belakangku
Di belakangku

immunity system down

2005-05-06T17:04:00.000+08:00

sigh...

sorry for the lack of updates (though i don update this blog everyday)...
im down with fever...

so yea... im slightly feeling better now...

man..the past few days...the world through my eyes were like swinging....drowsiness...

think im gonna take a short nap now...

see ya all....

Look up...

2005-05-02T00:22:00.000+08:00

dun have explicit thoughts on the pic!

nothin much happened the past week.... just the same old shitholes.... the weekends were spent walking aimlessly arnd town, esplande etc... along the way... "met" 4 girls..or shall i say ladies at diff places.... whom i NEVER MET... and they're readers of my blog..

"eh.. arent you Riq?... hey i came across ur blog!"

me: "errr...yea.. you are?"

"im ****** ... still waiting for Marsiah huh?"

me: "dont wanna talk about it"

"oh sorry... you want to join us for dinner at Lau Pa Sat?"

me: "err...sorry no.. it'll be odd for me...besides ive already had dinner"
the conversation went on for like.. 10 mins or so... then i left for town...

suddenly i feel like a star!.... ah crapz.. *dream on*
thats all for my updates... for now..

and yea.. if you're(the esplanade girl) reading this.. it was a great pleasure knowing you..

*not revealing her name cos she din want me to..

A true faithful heart waits for true love

2005-04-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

recieved this email from an anonymous person... no idea who he/she is...
sigh... thought my faithful readers would like to read it...
_______________________________________________________________________________
Hi Riq!

Many a times when we are in despair.
We thought all hopes were lost.
And that we'd never get through it.
But flowers wilt and bloom again.
Another year passed.
Everything has become nothing but our past.

Do you still rem. the obstacles overcame long ago?
Today, they've already become history.
In future, there'll be new problems coming our way.
you cry. you scream.
you act out many different roles in life.
Yet, in the end, everything'll fade into memories.

Like now, this very moment.
If you are feeling sad, disappointed.
Angry or agitated.
Does it even matter?
Everything, everything...
Will turn out to be alright...

Faithfully,
Faithful Reader

Thank you for being my inspiration, my guide and giving me hope that this world really does have love.

A true faithful heart waits for true love
You have a true faithful heart,
And your true love is Marsiah.
_______________________________________________________________________________
My reply:

well faithful reader...
im really touched by ur msg...
but i think its a lil too much for me to be ur inspiration aye?

i wanna get to know u better... we'll be in touch thru email..

Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had

2005-04-27T20:43:00.000+08:00

sigh... was listening to my sis's mp3 player...and heard this song...
it so reminded of Marsiah...
though i never had Her...

i still love Her.. its been 611 days... and ill never stop loving her...
-----------------------------------------------------------------

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever

*sob*

how could You just forget about me?..

2005-04-26T20:34:00.000+08:00

the day We went out on a Date dressed black....and yea...it was during my recruit days in 2003

i remember...the timer on that neoprint machine was running up...and i was like trying to choose which pic looked better...but time ran out... yea.. We look "ugly" in e pic... and im DARK!! but still.. my photoshop edits is better:P whahaha
gosh i miss being beside Her...

sigh...
610 days....Marsiah...

2005-04-19T20:43:00.000+08:00

Disagree - Crumbs
check out the vid... click e link above

love their songs.....

sigh... I'm Missing Marsiah....

Marsiah....... :'(

sigh

2005-04-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

its been 600 days.....

six hundred days...

:'(

2005-04-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

buy my Album anyone?
influences include Coldplay, Keane, Saybia and Jet.

sigh.... thats just an edited version of e previous post pic....

;(

2005-04-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

...reminiscence...

its 12mn....

haven't heard from Her...

598 days.... ;'(

my birthday wish...

2005-04-13T18:53:00.000+08:00

She's e one in pink
sweet isnt She? that was Her fav pink sweater... it got lost... i bought Her a new one together with Her at J8

She hasn't wished me... yet

sigh...

Guess She forgot all about me....busy?
:'(
great way to spend my 21st birthday.... home...tearing...reminiscing Marsiah...checking out all Her pics i kept...during the PH Days...

sigh... its a big deal to me...

to all others who have wished me... thanks..
its good to know that you guys are there behind me...

why does it feel that my heart is sinking?

-
pics She emailed me back in Dec 03

i wished You had given me a chance...

if only...

13th April

2005-04-13T15:11:00.000+08:00

its 13 april....
3:11pm...

am at home...

sigh... still waiting for THAT call or sms from Marsiah...

:'(

ive got till 12mn...

the insignificant one,
Shariq

Lifehouse - Everything

2005-04-10T12:47:00.000+08:00

sigh....this song is for You...
--------------------------------------------------------
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
---------------------------------------------------------

594 Days.... waiting for You, Marsiah....

2005-04-09T19:51:00.001+08:00

sigh.... some gifts i gave to Marsiah...

a feeling of lost hope.... its true.. im left with nothing...

Havent I always Loved You Marsiah?

testimonial

2005-04-09T14:56:00.000+08:00

Fadhil wrote me a testimonial on friendster...
my best bud... and great "brother"
he knows me...
--------------------------------------
Lone Traveller, Saturday, April 09, 2005:
hmm.. ive been puttin dis off for a long
time.. well, now is as gd as ever.

ive seen dis guy fly,
only to have his wings broken,
ive seen dis guy heal, physically.
but scar mentally.

its just amazing to see just how much
mental damage dis guy can absorb..
WE have been tryin to drill into dis guy's
brain..

Move on.. There's nothin left..
Still, he waits..

its true dat there's nobody trustworthy
enough these days..
long gone r times when u can sit back
& nvr have a single worry.

anyway, ive known dis guy for a number
of yrs. if i were to tell u our exploits, u'd
be able to write a novel. HAHA.

lame-ars*, crappy, moody(like girls)
wears Von Dutch merchandise(HAHAHA)

Bro, look around.. Ppl dont care bout
guys like us. to them, we're pestilence.

We're long overdue of a gd laugh.
U're long overdue to b happy.

btw, girls,
dis guy is a hopeless Romeo.
So, b gentle on him, k?

else i'll handcuff u to my bed & give
u a romping u'll never wanna forget.
-----------------------------------------
sigh... ill still wait for Marsiah...

condolences

2005-04-05T22:51:00.000+08:00

My deepest condolences to Family and Friends of Mohd Fhame Maselan who passed away in a road traffic accident on 2nd April...

saddest still... he was only 20...and a good friend..
sigh...

Al-Fateha

2005-04-01T19:11:00.000+08:00

Dila and Me...

went out with Dila yesterday night...
and we took pics!

whahaha....

the dream...again

2005-03-30T18:20:00.000+08:00

woke up at 6am today...
yet again... dreamt of Marsiah...
took half day off today...cos really my mood wasn't there... haiz

been thinking of Her the day throughout...
what She's doin?
how's She doin?
is She thinking of me?*not*

sigh...

i miss Her..
Haven't I always Loved You.. ;(

2005-03-28T21:36:00.000+08:00

hmmm.....

True love is worth waiting for even if it takes a lifetime. Then in return a lifetime of love will be waiting for you

2005-03-25T15:24:00.000+08:00

Just got back home from work...
----

Wednesday- Went to CDA for some ICT lessons....
kinda fun teaching old timer reservists on comms equiptment..whahah

that midnite...went to Harbourfront MRT for some ICT/MRT Excercise...
.... the Ex. was cut at 3am...

after that..Sir and me decided to have supper....we drove to Lau Pa Sat in hopes for FOOD.... but nah.. it was close...
headed to Bendemeer instead...

chilled there till 5am...then headed home.

Thursday-
woke up at 11am...
reported to camp at 12.15..

left camp at 1.15pm for Marina City Park...
had some Walk A Jog there...

met quite a few friends there....
nuthin much actually...

headed to Lee studio at yishun to pass some cds to a fren...
den headed home...

Today-
checked my inbox to find an email from Marsiah...

now i have nuthin to say cos really...i got nuthin to say...
sigh...

a msg for You:

"True love is worth waiting for even if it takes a lifetime. Then in return a lifetime of love will be waiting for you."--Luna Love

578 days...

negative

2005-03-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

results for blood test are in...
and it test negative...

whahahahaha!
lucky me aye?

dying....

2005-03-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

hey peeps.... guess wad?!
im down with suspected dengue fever!

was at tan tock seng just now cos i really was weak as hell....
the docs just LOVED to poke me with needles! and suckin the blood out of me!..

ah well...
they took a total of 6 blood samples...
and the results will be out tommorrow...

coughed blood just now...and i tell ya...its like puking part of my brain out..

anyway guys...ill be fine...
and here's some MINOR changes to my blog...

ill be off to my death bed now..

see ya at the morgue...

-Riq

quotes

2005-03-18T23:40:00.000+08:00

"True love is worth waiting for even if it takes a lifetime. Then in return a lifetime of love will be waiting for you."
--Luna Love

571 days.... :(

forlorn...

2005-03-14T19:59:00.000+08:00

forlorn... missing You...

emo

2005-03-13T17:10:00.000+08:00

this hurts.

why does my heart ache everytime i miss Her?

loner

2005-03-13T03:13:00.000+08:00

there was once 3 buddies....emobastards...."brothers"

we hung out together...and did many stupid things together...
laughing our asses off...jackass stunts...
listenin to each other...

but then... at one point... 2 moved on...
found themselves nice serious GFs...

and one was left behind...because he's still waiting for Her...

i rarely hang out with em.. cos they're busy... but i understand...

i drink my sorrows away...
i smoke my life away...
i bleed...knowing that She pretends to care (or doesn't)...

i dont wanna fade away...
all i can do... weep..

sigh...

ill still wait...
cos i love Her too much...
i miss Her ...

please give me a chance.. :'(

565 days

2005-03-12T17:34:00.000+08:00

i dreamt of Her...

i woke up...again... in tears..

sigh...when i was at e gig yesterday...
i had this feeling of lonliness... a feeling that sumthin was amiss...

*sob*... She was out with Her bf...

argh....

i spent my time reminicsing Her at esplanade yesterday...alone till 4am
and i walked all the way home from there..

i wish i could just see Her once again...just to talk to Her...

i miss Her so......

its been 565 days... :'(

memories...

2005-03-10T22:37:00.000+08:00

"There's two types of memory in lifetime,
The memory will never end until I die
All sweet memory I'll treasure it always,
But Bad memory just fear my guide lines

Why couldn't I forget my past bad memory?
And why can I keep recalling my sweet memory?
Cause no matter how hard I try to forget,
It will always be there playing in my mind.

Sometimes I always keep asking to myself,
Why must this happen to me when I was lonely
No matter what's going on in this lifetimes,
I have to except the fact & reality willingly.

Why can't my mind function peacefully all the times?
Cause if my body & soul still going on regularly,
Sometimes my sweet memory will be good dreams,
And my bad memory will be nightmares to me.

Nobody can ever erase their memory in the lifetime,
Only death can keep memory apart as God want it to be.
We have to accept the faith of memory willingly,
Cause it's already started by God to human being like us to be. "

--Unknown

ill never leave Your side

2005-03-06T16:03:00.000+08:00

dedicated to Marsiah...

Daniel Bedingfield - Never Gonna Leave Your Side

I feel like a song without the words
A man without a soul
A bird without its wings
A heart without a home
I feel like a knight without a sword
The sky without the sun
cos you are the one

I feel like a ship beneath the waves
A child that lost its way
A door without a key
A face without a name
I feel like a breath without the air
And every day's the same
since you've gone away

I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss you
and I miss you everyday
yeah

and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on girl
I won't let you go
cos when I'm lying in your arms
I know im home

They tell me that a man can lose his mind
Living in the pain
The call in times gone by
The crying in the rain
You know ive wasted half the time
And i'm on my knees again
till you come to me
yeah

I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss you
and I miss you everyday
yeah

and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on girl
I won't let you go
I lay my head against your heart
I know im home
I know im home
I know im home

and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on girl
I won't let you go
cos when im lying in your arms
i know im home

25

2005-02-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

25.... 25th August 2003...the day i promised myself ill never stop loving Marsiah....at esplanade...when i was with Her...

25.... 25th December 2004.... the day i got pissed drunk and tried to kill myself...carved Her name on my palm...

25.... 25th December 2004.... coincidently...the day She got attached to Her current BF... :(

25.... 25 February 2005.... Her 2nd month together with him...

sigh...

25 February..... 550 days....i still love Her....im still waiting for Her...

"Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you?"

just so you know..

2005-02-12T12:29:00.000+08:00

just so you know..... my lifes been a FUCKEN pile of shit from e start of e yr...

a good fren of mind passed away... Late Hafiz Mawasi... and other fren of mine is getting abused by her bf...fuck...

argh...
everytime i read Her blog...i cry...

i should be happy for Her... She's got a BF now..:'(

Havent I Always Loved You?

still waiting for You....

2004-12-26T20:43:00.000+08:00

"Have you ever cried your eyes out until all the tears in this world have dried, and yet the sourness in your heart still hasn't gone? That's when the person causing you the pain is the only one you ever loved."
-- Sarah

PS: thanks for the quote Sarah... sigh :'(